4 Years

Today is our 4 year "1st date anniversary." If there even is such a thing. Four years ago today William and I went on our first date. If you don't know, William and I worked together. The day before he asked me to dinner. I had been smitten with him for a couple of months and was super excited when he asked me out. He was a little apprenhensive about it because of my current situation with my separation. But nonetheless he did and we went to dinner at Lucky 32. I remember when he picked me up, I was so nervous! I had only ever dated 1 person and never really had that feeling of a "first date." On the way to the restaurant William confessed to me that he was so nervous too that he changed clothes about 4 times. I just laughed. Of course I did the same thing. Got off work at 5, took a shower and spent the next hour trying to find an outfit. At dinner while I was drinking my glass of wine, William told me my teeth were purple. I hadn't drank much wine before then and I didn't know if it would do that or not. So I ran to the bathroom. Of course my teeth weren't purple. To this day, we still laugh about that. After dinner William told me he didn't want to take me home yet. We ended up going to a movie. It was "Fun With Dick and Jane." It was an awful movie, but since it was a Friday night it was about the only thing with tickets available. I don't think I watched the movie anyway. I pretty much stared off into space wishing he would hold my hand. As I'm typing this I'm laughing at myself because that sounds so juvenile! Like I'm 15 or something! I don't think he ever did during the movie. He kissed me goodnight when he took me home and he was hooked. He didn't know it yet, but I had him. I think we spent that whole weekend together. We were married a year and a half later and had Cheyenne 2 years later. At the point in my life when I thought that I was lost and didn't need a relationship, William came into my life and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Hailey is 5 Months!

Time is flying by. Hailey is already 5 months old! At 5 months she is:

-Roling from front to back and back to front ( a couple of times)

-eating solids

-sleeps on her tummy
-taking 2 -1 1/2-2hr naps and 1 30-40 min evening nap (this is on a good day!)

-sleeping 11-12 hours at night (usually waking about 2-3x)

-loves her Jumperoo

-hates laying back, always wants to sit up

-squealing

-blowing raspberries

-loves watching and smiling at her sister

-has 2 teeth

So much has changed recently! She no longer screams everytime we are in the car. She has even fell asleep a handful of times. Gasp! She does still fuss sometimes though. Since cutting 2 teeth after 3 weeks of sleepless nights she's starting to get back to normal. She still wakes a couple of times a night, sometimes just needs a paci replug, other times it's patting for 30 minutes. She weighs about 16 lbs now and is really growing! She likes to have things her way and if she's unhappy you're gonna know it! She spent the night with Nana and Poppa for the 1st time last weekend and did great. She's such a beautiful girl!

Children's Museum

Shopping for oranges

Watching some other kids...

Checking the baby's heartbeat. This morning we ventured to the Children's Museum. We've had such COLD weather lately that we haven't been outside to play in about 2 weeks. It's getting really old. I can't believe I'm going to say this but I'm ready for summer!

Painting!

Here is Cheyenne painting on her new easel she got from Nana and Poppa for Christmas! We have a little Picasso here!

Sippy Cup and Carrots

We're moving right along with solids for Hailey. So far she's had pears, bananas, sweet potatos, avacado and carrots! She seems to love it all. We've been trying a sippy cup with just a little bit of water to "wash it down." She's not got the hang of it yet. She just chews on the spout which gets a little out but not much. We'll just keep practicing! She's doing so well with solids!

Playmates

Cheyenne, David and Maggie Streck

The Mother In Me

I've know I wanted to be a mother since the day I was born.

Well probably not since the day I was born. That's a little extreme. But from the time I first knew what a mother was. Or maybe since I realized that I possessed the genetic makeup to be a mother.

Regradless, its been a long time. I've always felt like motherhood was for me.

As a young girl I loved children. I loved playing house and naming all my babies. My cousins, sisters and I spent countless hours "being the mommy" and carrying around our babies. Even as a teen I loved children. I even worked in a daycare.

I was going to have 12 children. I remember thinking that when I was about 10 years old. Naturally this was before I had an inkling as to what morning sickness was, had never heard of a nursing bra, forgot that I'd need a husband up for such a feat and didn't realize that for a family of that size I would need at least 2 cargo vans for our transportation.

And part of me thinks I would love to have 12 children (12 "I love you mommy's, etc) , there are other parts of me that don't think I could handle it. My uterus for example.

I have basically always wanted children. Wanted to be a mother. I thought mothering would be so wonderful. Naming, dressing and playing with children all day. What could be better?

And even though, back then I was still a bit hazy on the finer things associated with parenting (hissy fits, sippy cups full of mold behind the couch, stretch marks and time outs) I think I hit the nail on the head.

There is very little better than mothering.

But not exactly for the reasons I had first thought. Sure, there are wonderful moments, magical moments created with our babies, late night snuggles with our newborns. But parenting is hard work. And it's not glamorous. We don't often get the support we need. We struggle with mother's guilt and sometimes feel that we need to keep up with the Jones'. Children sass back and our best laid plans are trampled on. We must face our shortcomings because they are so often revealed to us as we attempt and fail at being perfect parents.

But there is good that is brought forth from the hurt that parenting sometimes brings. There is meaning in the mudane, purpose behind the potty training and a peace that comes from learning to calmly deal with a tantruming toddler in Target.

Having children is worth it. William and I love having our family.

But I don't love the dirty diapers, the sleepless nights, the cracked nipples, the endless whining. I don't love it for the dings and marks on our walls or the screeching down the hall.

I love it in spite of all that. I love mothering for how wading through all the difficulites that mothering brings, transforms me for the better.

Mothering is one of the toughest things I've ever done.

And it's totally worth it.