I Know I'm Going to Miss This

There are some days that I about go nuts. Just ask William. There are days when he walks in the door and I'm almost in tears, Cheyenne is whining and Hailey is crying. I just hand him the baby. I think to myself how am I ever going to survive? Somehow, I do though. At 8pm, when Cheyenne is tucked into her bed and Hailey is fast asleep in her crib, I finally have a moments peace. I treasure those 10 hours or so of relative peace (when Hailey decides she wants to sleep that night).

But I also treasure other moments. One night recently, William was still at work when I was getting the girls bathed and put to bed. I nursed Hailey and put her in her crib for the night. I got Cheyenne into her PJ's and brushed her hair while she watched Dora. I took her into her room and she layed in my arms while I read her books. Every few minutes she would look up at me and say "I love you mommy" and kiss me. So while I'm reading as fast as I can so I can get her in bed and finally be alone, I find myself wanting to read another book. And another, because she'll let me. She wants to sit with me and let me hold her. She wants me. I let my mind wander to the future. Cheyenne is about 15 years old and the last thing she wants is her mother tucking her in or reading her books. She hibernates in her room and barely speaks to me, as teenagers often do. So I decide that I'm going to hold her and kiss her as much as she'll let me. I'm gonna miss this. My days are chaotic to say the least. And sometimes I have found myself wishing Hailey's 1st year away. Let's just get through the teething, lets get through the sleepless nights, I can't wait until she's down to just 1 nap so I don't have to fight her to get to sleep. As I held and rocked her this afternoon and sang to her before I put her down for a nap, she looked up at me and smiled and her big blue eyes sparkled. I thought about Cheyenne when she was that little. Now she's so big I can hardly pick her up anymore. Hailey reached her hands up to my face and I kissed her hands and said I'm gonna miss this.